Blog update
2010 March 7
Just a quick note. I’m going to be trying a few things with the format of my blog that I may screw up. If the blog goes down or freaks out at anytime, don’t worry! It’ll be back as soon as I figure out what the hell I’m doing.
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I am so glad your blog is back up, that I think I just read hour entire archive.
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I’m glad you’re back. Not glad for all of the awful you’ve been through. Good luck, Harriet.
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Nothing to do with this post, but my Ab Psych prof went on a rant today and I thought you and your readers might appreciate it:
“You know, people always ask me why abuse victims stay with their abusers. I guess it’s because I’m a psychologist, so I have all the answers. But anyway, they’re always like ‘yeah, why do those women stay with guys who hit them? Are they just stupid or something?’
Let me tell you a story.
I used to work at a Rape Crisis and Women’s Center. It was one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had in my life. And this one day, a guy found out that his wife had come to us when she left him, and he found out our address, and he decided he was going to make use of that information. So he came into our center, I tried to stop him from getting to his wife, he punched me in the face.
A few minutes later, the cops were there, taking him away. I pressed charges immediately, and I was rushed through the court system. They pushed me through. They wanted to hear what I had to say, they wanted to punish him for what he did. That’s good, right?
Except for the part where his wife had been trying to get the courts to listen to her for five years. He broke her jaw, dislocated her limbs, bruised her, tried to set her on fire…they wouldn’t listen to her. They didn’t want to hear her. He punched me once, and they were all over me and patting me on the back and putting him in the holding cell. He punched me once.
Abuse victims get into this mindset that they can’t get away from their abuser. That’s exactly what the abuser wants them to think. My job was to convince them that, yes, it was definitely possible to get away from him, that they could move on and get a new life. I would help them change their name and social security number, and they would feel better.
Until they had to try to fight the courts again, and nobody wanted to listen to them. So you see that term up there, ‘learned helplessness’? That’s what many of them face. Especially when they are told ‘no, your rapist won’t face justice. No, the guy who tried to set you on fire won’t face justice. If you didn’t want to get set on fire, you shouldn’t have married him.’
I think I need to change the topic now.”
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I have an idea about all the comments and keeping up with them, etc. Why don’t you not enable comments? If keeping up with them all is hard, then just forget us? Do this blog for you and you only, and if you happen to help someone along the way (which you are….tons of people), then all the better. Isn’t that what you want?
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I’ve thought about it. Part of the problem is that I approve every single comment that comes through, instead of doing what most blogs do, which is allow somebody who has been approved once to be approved forever. That makes my job bigger, but it’s also been more rewarding for me, because I have really gotten to keep the conversation within the bounds I’m comfortable with. Then, other people who are comfortable with that kind of conversation come hang out here, and it turns into a fun place for me to hang out (and also a place where, apparently, people feel comfortable disclosing their abuse, and it really makes me feel good that I could help create that).
It’s not so hard to keep up with the comments when it’s a self-selected audience that enjoys how I do things here. The problem is when I get posted on Gizmodo, and suddenly my self-selected feminist audience is replaced by beardos, geek boys (who are not all a wash, but there are some lady problems with the geek boys, I’ll say that for sure), and people who read “abuse” “woman” and “insulting your favorite search engine” in one sentence and self-select themselves to come here and put me in my place. Saying “I will allow comments on my feminist blog” doesn’t mean I’ve also signed up for “And I will also allow comments from all the MRAs who want me to know that I should be raped,” anymore than saying, “I will have conversations with people in the world” means “I will allow any fucknut to harass me.”
To me, it’s not a black or white “have comments” or “have no comments” situation. It’s a developing space where I try to figure out how to tweak things as each new situation arises. Now things have calmed down, and comments are appropriate again. If they go insane, comments will not be appropriate for that period. But I don’t, at this point, feel like this blog necessitates an ALL COMMENTS or NO COMMENTS now and forever rule. I prefer a “Harriet owns the blog and does whatever the fuck she likes depending on her whims” now and forever rule.
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I thought I should introduce myself as a new reader, mostly a lurker, who came here via the google nonsense. You have an amazing way with words.
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Hi, I just wanted to say welcome back, (I don’t know why, but your blog was ‘protected’ or something like that for a while and I was disappointed.
I’m one of those geek boys, but hopefully one of the ‘good’ ones. I got here through a post on a friend’s Facebook wall, and worked my way through the entire history. It’s an impressive story so far, and I am rooting for you.
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