About This Blog
About This Blog
Update: 1/12/2013
I took a two-year hiatus because I was sick of blogging. I am not sure if I’m coming back. Once I remembered my email password and got in there, I found A LOT of people thanking me for leaving the blog up even though I wasn’t writing anymore. So as long as I can afford the domain, I’ll keep it up. And as long as it’s up, it’s representing me, so I need to maintain it here and again.
I’ve removed the “Runaway Slave” headline. There was a time when that meant a lot to me, meant more than the super valid criticisms that it was gross appropriation. Apologies for the gross appropriation. It wasn’t cool. When I started this blog, my alias was Harriet Jacobs. That meant a lot to me at the time, too. I also didn’t expect this blog to be read by anybody, so didn’t think too critically about what my alias or theme would mean to others. Eventually I changed it to Harriet J, in respect to the fact that, seriously? Harriet Jacobs? No. But I don’t think that’s distanced me enough from the original disrespectful alias, and people who didn’t really know the blog still (not incorrectly) assumed it was just short for Harriet Jacobs, and republished me that way.
So, now it’s Harriet Jay, which is hopefully a full enough name by itself to not have people calling me Harriet Jacobs anywhere anymore. I’ll try to update it on the blog where I run across it. The sidebar picture will take longer, because I completely forget how I made that and/or if I have any originals around. And, again, sorry for the gross, dopey white girl appropriation, and the white woman’s tears defending it. That was a time in my life where, well, that’s where I was. I’m not there now, and I will keep trying to find ways to figure my shit out without doing it on the backs of other people’s history.
Keeping the name Fugitivus, though, because jesus, I’m not buying another domain.
I updated my blogroll to reflect the things I currently read. That’s pretty much my whole criteria. Some are super NSFW, so watch out. I’ve added some blogs about sex work. If those blogs see an uptick in shitty people saying shitty things as a result, I’ll take them off the blogroll, and block whoever acted like a shit from my blog. That goes for the rest of the blogs, too, but feminists seem to combust on sex work blogs at a pretty high rate, so mentioning it specifically.
That’s it for now.
Update: 1/29/2010
My original About This Blog is below. That was written the first day I started this blog, and a lot of things have changed since then. I wanted to address a few questions that get asked a lot, and also add a few things. None of this is in any particular order.
- I write from my own experience. It’s all I know. My own experience is white, female, middle-class, cis, and presenting heterosexual. So my posts are about a white, female, middle-class, cis, and presenting heterosexual worldview. I try not to address experiences outside of mine, because I feel like that’s appropriating a life that I don’t have and will never truly experience. If you have a different worldview, please feel free to share it. If something here makes you feel constrained from sharing your worldview, I would like to know (you don’t have to tell me — you’re under no obligation). It may be something I can change, or at least address. But in the meantime, understand that I do realize other types of people and experiences exist (usually — I fuck up plenty), but am consciously not addressing those experiences, because they are not mine and I do not know them well enough to assume I can discuss them adequately.
- You do not have the right to comment, and I do not have the duty to publish your comments. You also don’t have the right to an explanation as to why your comment isn’t being published — if I don’t like talking to you, or hearing you talk, I’m not going to talk to you more or offer you additional opportunities to speak. People who repeatedly attempt to comment and always get deleted (or people who have been banned) go directly to my spam filter. After that, I never read your comments again, which means you are free to write as many letters to the internet as you like, if that is what is working for you.
- When I started this blog, I was re-reading Harriet Jacob’s “Incidents In the Life of a Slave Girl.” I had also just discovered the word and the meaning behind the word “Fugitivus.” I was on the verge of creating a new blog, and was trying to think of a title and some acceptable, easy-to-remember, and possibly descriptive psuedonyms for myself and my ex-husband, who I knew I would talk about a lot. It all fit together nicely, so I called my blog Fugitivus, called myself Harriet, and called my ex Flint. I never expected this blog to get popular — it was just going to be my online diary — and if I had known, I don’t think I would have chosen that name. It bothers me that my blog comes up in google searches for “Harriet Jacobs”; she and I shouldn’t ever be on the same page together. It is what it is now, but just so you know, yeah, I have considered that it’s distasteful to name myself after a real slave, and I wouldn’t have done it if I knew that people would actually come round here calling me Harriet. This blog was really just supposed to be read by my mom and my boyfriend.
- I don’t edit posts. I like maintaining an accurate record of who I am and what I think. Sometimes who I was and what I thought is embarrassing to me, but I think it’s hypocritical to try and erase that evidence. I want to remember my mistakes. You will occasionally see old posts from me where I said something offensive, and was called out. I will never delete the offensive thing I said (likewise, I won’t delete the calling out). I don’t want to make it easy for myself or others to believe that I don’t harbor all sorts of bad prejudices. I also find the calling out to be really instructive, and find it just as useful to re-read those old comments as I do to re-read the things I used to say or think before I got schooled. In real life, if I were to say something hurtful to another person, that would never go away. I could apologize and try to make it right, but they would never trust me as much as they once had, and they shouldn’t. I don’t want to erase that consequence, especially now that people read my blog and like it. Some people really like me and really like my writing. I never want them to like me so much that they think I do no wrong, or defend me when I have. Everybody fucks up, and everybody is responsible for making their own amends.
- The one exception to my No Editing rule involves my new job, which has some highly confidential aspects to it. So you will occasionally see [redacted] pop up in old entries.
- Commenters are allowed to disagree with something I have said, or my take on a subject, provided they do so in a respectful way. “I disagree with what you’ve said,” “Let me explain where I’m coming from,” “Have you considered looking at it another way?” are respectful modes of disagreement. “You are wrong and stupid,” is not.
- Because this is my space, and because I have complete control over who gets to speak here, I extend my standards to others. I won’t allow other comments to speak to others in a way I would not allow them to speak to me. Respectful disagreement is fine. Insults are not. If you don’t know the difference, or are thinking up some wild hypothetical examples to illustrate for me why my personal standards are illogical, this is not the space for you.
- If you are seriously confused about what kind of commenting standards I have, but would genuinely like to learn more, I suggest reading some AA materials. I try to run my comment threads like AA runs a meeting. No cross-talk, no advice (unless asked for), and no judgments.
- There is one exception to this. Because this is a feminist blog, there are some things you are not allowed to disagree about, even respectfully. In this space, nobody is responsible for their own rapes, not even in the tiniest way. In this space, every woman has the right to access reproductive care (you can be personally pro-life here, but you cannot be politically pro-life). In this space, racism is acknowledged as alive and well and permeating almost every aspect of everybody’s lives. In this space (though I fuck this up sometimes), trans people deserve as much respect and consideration as cis people (please let me know if I’m fucking this up, I know I have a history of it). In this space, nobody is responsible for their own abuse, not even in the tiniest way. In this space, it is acknowledged that sexism is alive and well and permeating almost every aspect of everybody’s lives. In this space, women’s experiences are acknowledged as real and legitimate (men’s, too, but we talk about women a lot more). In this space, biological or evolutionary explanations for behavior are considered to be socially motivated. If you disagree with any of these statements, this is not the space for you.
- You are allowed to reproduce anything I have written here. Please just note where it came from. I wouldn’t have put it on the internet without understanding that it’s now public domain, so you don’t have to ask. Sometimes letting me know what you did with it is nice — my writing sometimes gets to places I would never imagine — but you don’t have to do that either.
- You can email me at harrietj at fugitivus.net. I don’t always respond. Sometimes I’m busy and sometimes I get emailed a lot.
- I don’t have a wishlist, and I don’t really need donations (though it’s awfully sweet whenever somebody offers). If you really feel a need to donate somehow, I suggest donating to your local rape crisis center or battered women’s shelter. The National Network of Abortion Funds could always use donations, too.
Original About This Blog
The title of this blog is Fugitivus. The Romans would brand this word, usually shortened to FUG, on the foreheads of slaves who had run away from their masters. I can’t think of a better collection of personal qualities than those that would exist in a slave who has run from their master. The term “fugitivus” has personal meaning to me; I ran away from an abusive home as a child, and I left an abusive marriage as an adult. Since then, there have been various smaller escapes; from friends who can’t cope with their own pain or my freedom from abuse, from ingrained concepts of worthlessness and self-hate, from the idea of a future I never really wanted, from a country whose ideology is as abusive as anything my husband or family could dish out. I view my life as one long jailbreak, day by day attempting to shed one chain or another, until eventually, inevitably, I shed the concept of fugitivus as well. Because who wants to be a fugitive all their lives?
My username is Harriet J, an homage to the author of an autobiography of a life in and escape from slavery. Harriet Jacobs was a helluva woman, and I don’t mean to insinuate that I have experienced a tenth of what she did, or have a tenth of the steel trap balls. But she’s worth admiring, as a slave who ran away from her master, as a woman who escaped sexual exploitation, who fought even being purchased by friends who would free her, because that would be admitting her life was a good to be bought and sold. I’m not trying to build up a comparison, even metaphorically. I’m just trying to tell you that Harriet Jacobs is the shit.
About myself: I’m a mid-twenties white girl living in the Midwest. I work mostly as a paper-pusher in the government, but am occasionally exposed to spicier things.
I’ve had a fucked-up life, and I wanted a space to talk where the fucked-up people who did the fucked-up things couldn’t find me and be creepy.
I am a firm believer in the idea of information and communication, and through my experiences, I tend to think the majority of fucked-up things continue to happen unabated because nobody wants to talk about them. The desire to cover our ears and eyes and mouth is just another master I’m trying to escape.
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you’re brave.
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Well, thanks. I don’t know if I’d call hosting an anonymous blog brave, though it’s better than nothing, I suppose, and your compliment is appreciated anyway.
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Hi
My name is Lesley Mulder and I am the editor of the Adoption Australia Magazine published by the Adoptive Families Association of the ACT. This is a quarterly magazine sent to approximately 1200 Adoptive families and support organisations in Australia (ACT, NSW and SA).
I am seeking permission to reprint your article ‘You should move’ in the Summer 2008 issue of Adoption Australia.
If you wish to view previous copies of the magazine follow the URL below:
http://www.adoption.org.au/resources.html
Scroll down to view the Spring 2007, Summer 2007 and Autumn 2008 issues.
If you could advise as soon as possible, it would be greatly
appreciated.
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Mr. Mulder, I’ll shoot you an email.
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Found your blog through Stumble! You write some very thought provoking stuff.
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You’re on a short list of people I relate to. I am happy to see your blog today. After reading Phantom Grampa I look forward to more. Thanks for the URL Harriet. You R the shit.
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well…I said I wouldn’t be creepy and double post, but I gotta now, I commend you on going through so much and attacking it in a smart, funny writing style, I will definitely keep up with your blog!
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This is a really GREAT blog. Thank you, just for writing.
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Just wanted to let you know that I added you to my blogroll ^^
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You are wonderful and amazing and brilliant. I love your blog, and your posts about rape are spot on and beautifully written. (I envy your patience with some of the commenters on those posts.)
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<3 Thank you. As a fellow person with a far too interesting past "I’ve had a fucked-up life, and I wanted a space to talk where the fucked-up people who did the fucked-up things couldn’t find me and be creepy." means a lot to me too. Love the blog, keep writing.
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I was led to your blog via a link in an article written recently by Kate Harding. I find your writing brilliant.
BTW: I read Harriet Jacob’s biography several years ago, and it was amazing. Slave narratives intrigue me. As a Black woman, it helps me to connect in some way to my female ancestors.
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Love. Your. Name.
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Hi, I’m a new reader who stumbled on the blog through – you guessed it – the rape posts, and I was wondering if you’ve ever read the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I’m not usually one to give a bit of a sales pitch, but I found it echoed a lot of your thoughts, particularly towards the women being taught setting clear, definite boundaries and defending them without having to explain themselves is “inappropriate”
It’s also a damn good book about avoiding violence anyway, but that’s another point.
Anyway, I enjoy the posts very much, and will keep reading.
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*ahem*
A Poem:
Harriet
you are Teh Awesome
rock on, dude*
I’ve just run out of blog to read. That’s a bit of a let-down, in the end-of-a-good-novel-why-can’t-it-last-the-rest-of-my-life way, but not too bad, because most likely you will post more. *hopes* I wanted to comment to many of these posts, but that would require time and thought and and my children ATE my brain. Honestly, I was an inarticulate socialphobe before them, anyway, so. I may try to write something one of these days if I get enough time to complete a whole thought.
* “woman” has too many syllables, and “girl” is… diminutive. I don’t so often hear men referred to as children.
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Came to this site through a link to “Another post about rape” from one of the feminist blogs I check pretty much daily (can’t remember which one). Found that post so thoughtful and articulate but forgot to bookmark the site. Found my way back here yesterday and have been spending hours reading posts in reverse chronological order.
Finally having to make myself stop at a post from Mar 2009 because I have loads of things I need to do here in “real life”. But heck – I may end up spending the rest of the day reading all the way back to Mar 2008. Blog I can’t put down. Awesome. Amazing. Rock on.
And I’m fine with you thinking of me as imaginary.
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Your blog is brilliant and well-written. It was one of my main inspirations to create a blog of my own. I just wanted to thank you and let you know that I’ve added you to my blogroll.
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Harriet,
I just stumbled on your blog while searching Big Fat Deal, and I am feeling you hardcore. Can’t wait to read more stuff.
You are on my list of SHEroes.
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That was awesome. I just read the whole thing, in all its long-winded glory. Best part: “Now that people are reading (hi, people, you are making me nervous, no offense, it’s me, not you)” – I literally lol-ed.
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THANK YOU, internet stranger, for making that point. Why is it okay for grown-ass women to be referred to as “girls,” when we don’t think it’s kosher to call grown men, “boys”? My boyfriend has started quickly correcting himself: “That guh… I mean, that WOMAN just totally cut me off!” It’s massively endearing; just thought I’d share.
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I enjoyed that comment, too, and can totally relate — although 30 hits per day is about the number where I start wigging out, and if the count gets to 50 (regularly, not just one day), I find that I stop posting for a while, or just post cute-cat-pics; not entirely conciously.
The reason that i have a blog, as opposed to just a Word file entitled “Diary” on my desktop, is that the possiblility of someone else’s eyes seeing it makes writing more satisfying. But when there are a lot of eyes (relatively), I start to get something like stage fright.
Maybe I ought to remove the meter.
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wow. came across this looking at a facebook group protesting my former school’s decision to host a “comedian….” you can probably guess what he thinks is funny.
i’m one of the lucky ones surrounded by nice guys who would never do anything to harm someone who didn’t deserve it– unless, of course, they specifically requested it. (btw, what i mean by people who deserve it is one of the asshole guys mentioned elsewhere, and by specific requests, i mean EXACTLY that. no means no, and not yes is still no.) it’s a bit odd, though; the guys in my group are so sheltered they don’t even realize rape happens at the rate that it does, not because they’re dumb, but because they can’t imagine people cruel enough to rape someone. even the most misogynistic-seeming friends i have are really gentlemen when it comes down to it, and the jokes they make are only because they can’t believe it’s real. sometimes it seems like that to me, too; i am glad of that, but it is no less of a reality simply because not everyone has been raped, and we can’t just wait around for it to happen to us before we start talking about it.
i told my bf, a wonderful, sweet guy, that 1/4 of women have been raped, and he analyzed it and tried to prove me wrong by showing me how outrageous those numbers are. of course it’s outrageous. unfortunately, though, there have been many times in history that we’ve allowed outrages to continue because we’ve pretended it really isn’t as bad as the numbers make it seem, that it couldn’t possibly be true. thank you for making your story heard.
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Good for you. I am glad you got out. I’m in my mid-20s, too, and people give me strange looks when they find out I’m divorced. Nice to know I’m not the only one out there. Thanks for speaking up about everything. It’s so helpful to read others’ experiences and know we’re not alone.
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Harriet,
I found this blog through a long and convoluted trip through the feminist blogosphere. I LOVE this blog, and it’s one of my new favorites. I had to tell you that your description of your comment policy made me laugh until I cried. Seriously. Thanks for writing. I’ll keep reading.
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Wow.
I became so fascinated reading this blog I’ve lost three hours I was supposed to devote to school work.
Thanks for the reminder of what’s really important. Bless, and thank you.
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Ma’am, you are one of the most eloquent bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.
Please keep it up, and never back down =)
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Had several people suggest I’d love your work this week, and finally got a chance to come over and read.
Just wanted to give you mad props, especially as both a multiple-abuse survivor and someone who works as a young adult sex educator and advocate.
You’re seriously fantastic.
- Heather Corinna
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I only just recently discovered Scarleteen, via a few trackbacks. It looks like such a great resource! When I was a teenager, I remember reading back-and-forth graffiti on the bathroom stalls at school, asking for answers or advice about pregnancy, birth control, STDs, and what was obviously rape. It always broke my heart to know there were women in my school whose only form of support and information-sharing — for really important goddamn topics! — was coming from strangers in the bathroom. It really brightened my heart to stumble across Scarleteen, and see the same questions getting answered by a bevy of supportive young women, and knowledgeable adults.
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Saw this and thought you’d appreciate it.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/nov/27/patrick-stewart-domestic-violence
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WOW.
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I recently started lurking/reading and I just gotta say, I fucking love this place!
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thank you THANK YOU for articulating what I could not in your rape joke post. again, THANK YOU. you are fantastic.
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I watched that and wept uncontrollably. It was so much like my childhood (what he described) it was shocking.
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Thank you for writing this blog. I only discovered it a couple days ago and have been devouring posts since. Your writing is incredible, thank you for articulating thoughts/feelings I have had for a long time and (in some cases) didn’t even realize it.
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Hi, I’m another reader who found your site just a couple of days ago (via two different sources – thanks Twitter!) and has therefore only read a small portion of what you’ve written. So if this question is answered in another blog post please redirect me to that. I would like to know if you have any commentary on the use of ‘balls’ as a phrase to imply courage/conviction/strength/etc. (As in, the original Harriet Jones having “steel trap balls”.) It just struck me as jarring in a blog where what I’ve read so far has been arguing strongly (and very effectively) against sexism (and racism, although that’s not as relevant to this question) to have a male physical characteristic be used in this way.
Regardless, thanks in general for your writings – especially what you wrote about when to choose to respond to racism (“are you safe?”). I’m definitely going to be setting aside more time for reading through the site.
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I wrote that description when I started the blog, which was several years ago. This blog started as just a small personal corner to vent in, and I had no expectation, hope, or even wildest dream that it would get the attention it did. It reflected the way I spoke at the time, and since I was mostly speaking to myself, it didn’t include some of the filters I would have put in if I had known I was going to end up speaking to an audience of anti-sexist, anti-racist people. It’s an illustration of the state of my feminist consciousness on the very day I started this blog. I still considered myself a feminist, a very vocal one, but I didn’t have a problem with the words bitch, cunt, or retarded. Now I do. “Balls” is a comparatively smaller thing compared to words like that, but it’s still something I wouldn’t use today, though it was firmly in my lexicon then (and is still in my personal lexicon occasionally, but no longer in public).
I have a general policy against editing what I’ve written. Even though I occasionally go back and cringe at things I’ve said, I think it’s important that I keep cringing; it’d be really easy for me to erase all that and pretend that I’ve grown and am all different now, but the truth is that I have all sorts of latent badness in me that creeps out at really shitty times, and I don’t want to make it easy for me to forget that. I also don’t want to make it easy for other people to forget that; I like illustrating that somebody who is now viewed as some kind of Feminist with a capital F is also riddled with problems, some accounted for and some not. I don’t like the false sense of complacency that erasing bad things allows; I can apologize for mistakes I’ve made, but I can’t ever get a relationship back to the way it was before I said a shitty thing. I like having my blog reflect that as well. If I say a shitty thing and readers feel they can no longer trust me to not be sexist or racist, then I think that’s what I’ve earned, and I don’t think I’ve earned the right to erase that.
I say all that as a preamble to: Yeah, I know it says “balls,” and it bothers and embarrasses me, but I’m going to leave it there as a reminder of the fact that even with all the feminist consciousness in the world, I still grew up in a culture that thinks balls are where it’s at, which has made me intellectually lazy when it comes to finding gender-neutral descriptors of awesomeness. It’s a little thing, but I like having it stay as a thorn in my side. Keeps me from getting too arrogant.
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Wow. Great response – and speedy too! I was hesitant to leave the comment originally because I thought it might be seen as stirring or even along the lines of the irritating “Have you perhaps considered…” questions in your post “A Few Things To Stop Doing When You Find a Feminist Blog”. Thanks for the explanation.
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I LOVE THIS BLOG!
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I think you should probably change the name of this blog. As a general rule, I don’t think it’s a good idea to post stuff on the internet under the pseudonym of a known historical figure.
Aren’t there already enough apocryphal quotes attributed to various famous people and historical figures from Jesus Christ to Winston Churchill?
Because if people cross post things you write as from “Harriet Jacobs”, it genuinely becomes confusing. Some people think that a certain abolitionist is being discussed.
As far as I’m concerned that fact you are considered a “white” woman has little to nothing to do with it. I’ve never held with the “you can only talk about people who are just like you” POV. Nor with the “all you can know is your own experience” notion.
But generally, you shouldn’t identify yourself with the name of a historical figure, unless your parents saddled you with it, and dead abolitionists should get a little more respect than that. Even when it was just your online diary.
I suggest you try changing your pseudonym.
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I wonder if Scanlon actually read the post. It clearly states:
“It bothers me that my blog comes up in google searches for “Harriet Jacobs”; she and I shouldn’t ever be on the same page together. It is what it is now, but just so you know, yeah, I have considered that it’s distasteful to name myself after a real slave, and I wouldn’t have done it if I knew that people would actually come round here calling me Harriet. This blog was really just supposed to be read by my mom and my boyfriend.”
I am taken aback by Scanlon’s notion that you *can* fully know about anyone else’s experience. To me, that smacks of privilege. You can really only approximate this knowledge by drawing on your own experiences. And your color or people’s perception of your color, have a lot to do with the kind of experiences you get to have.
I know this is not terribly articulate, but I am having some trouble putting my thoughts together, since I find the comment before mine so jarring and dismissive.
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I have an F for fugitivus tattooed on my back!
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Hi Harriet-
I stumbled across your blog today and it was a one – two punch in the face. In a good wake-the-fuck-up kind of way.
I was in love with a girl and I was pretty damn sure she felt the same way. She was(is) simply beautiful in every sense of the word. Once in a while there was this seething anger that would just bubble out of her and out of no where. She confided in me that she was date raped. I explained to her that I was in capable of appreciating what she had gone through, but I was there for her in any capacity that she needed me. My lack of understanding of her situation should not be perceived as a lack of empathy. I reacted to her disclosure by wanting to be closer to her so that I would always be there to protect her from whatever threats may appear. My reaction was most likely the cause of our undoing. It was the only other loss that has knocked me to my knees and kept me there for a while.
I have two little girls of my own now. My oldest is just turned eight and she will not be a little girl for long. I checked on her last night and saw her sleeping in her bed. Ii struck me that she seems almost adult sized. I am going home tonight and tuck them in and hold them. I am damn lucky to because my touch had not been tainted by the touch of another man.
However, I NEED to wake-the-fuck-up and some how figure out a way to talk to my girls about boys, relationships, drugs, staying safe….
Worried Dad
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I love this blog. Thanks for being up and running! And if the shit ever gets too intense, there’s a place for you to stay (with internet!) in India where you can chill out and recharge.
No seriously, fuck all the bad guys. I think the sad fact is that we’re all mentally conditioned and undoing it takes a lot of time, energy and honesty. Honesty more than anything else. Becoming a better person is a good way, but it takes will and perseverance. I think 99% of guys are bastards (and 70-80% of girls are likewise, to be fair!).
I’ve done a few things here and there, and i try to catch what i can, aka not on my watch, line of sight. most guys are wimps. when i let them know i’m willing to go down, all the way, they back off from there act. so far, i’ve never had to go beyond that and i hope i never will. still, if i ever have to put my money where my mouth is, i will. but you, you do so much more.
thanks for blogging. hope you make a worthwhile difference.
much love,
-s
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I’ve been reading your blog for the last couple of days and you have inspired me to face myself and some of my demons. I’ve just spent the last two days writing up an account of my entire abusive relationship. It’s the first time I’ve ever really put it down in black and white, without trying to censor myself, including the parts where I’m ashamed and angry at myself and guilty – justified or not.
It’s been three years since I left and I’m still not over it. I didn’t realize how much I wasn’t over it until this weekend.
I wanted to ask you if it could be one of your no-name blogger posts, but I look and you aren’t accepting unsolicited submissions. I was wondering if I could just send it to you instead?
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: Initially I wasn’t accepting submissions because I had several personal friends that I was soliciting from, and wanted to get the whole thing started with them — I thought it would be easier on a lot of levels. Since then I’ve discovered how much work it is to solicit pieces from people, and also discovered that I’m really not somebody who enjoys that work, so the whole thing has sort of fallen by the wayside. If you’ve got something ready-made that you’d like to put up, send it along. I’ll give it a once-over and let you know.
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Thank you for this.
How do I send it? I can’t find an email address anywhere.
Also, what document format should I send it in? And should I use html tags for the italics?
I’m really trying not to gush all over you and scare you away, but I really don’t have the words to tell you how much this means to me. Even if it doesn’t get posted. Thank you, again.
Just, thank you.
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: Email is in About This Blog, point 11. You can just send it as email text or attach it as a word processing file. WordPress seems to automatically carry over formatting, so HTML isn’t necessary.
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I love your blog, but as a black woman I feel like its a little offensive that a white person is calling herself a runaway slave, especially when you introduce it as being about white, middle class issues. It seems that by naming your blog the runaway slave blog you’re claiming a history (and contextualizing your experiences through a history) that is not yours to claim.
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: Nowhere do I call myself a runaway slave. While I did initially call myself Harriet Jacobs, I explain above how that came to be, and specifically note that I never meant to compare myself (and later changed my name on this blog to still reflect the origins but not be an exact copy). I say that I identify strongly with the concept of a runaway slave due to having to literally run away twice, once from an abusive home, and once from an abusive marriage. Reading Harriet Jacob’s autobiography is part of what gave me the strength to leave those abusive environments. I specifically state that I do not mean to identify myself with her, or compare myself to her in any way, but I do admire her greatly. I know that as a white woman, there is no way for me to state that I identify with or have been affected greatly by a black woman or such a central feature of African-American history (that I would have never experienced) without being accused of appropriation and/or actually appropriating.
I did not introduce this blog as being about white, middle-class issues. I noted that I am white and middle-class, and obviously what I write will be coming from that perspective. I added that to my “About This Blog” section when several commenters told me I was not writing enough about the experiences of transfolk. Since I am not trans, I felt writing about transfolk as if I knew anything about them was offensive; all I can do is write about what a cis person thinks about transfolk. So I added that section to “About My Blog” noting what my specific demographic is, that I can only write about that perspective, and that I feel attempting to write from another perspective would be offensive.
My perspective is a very specific demographic, and I did not want to present myself as a default perspective, or present myself as being able to write about perspectives that aren’t mine. I discuss a lot of issues on this blog, including abuse, feminism, racism, rape, and adoption. Because of the demographic I’m coming from, all those discussions are going to be colored by my identification with certain groups of people. But that doesn’t mean that all I discuss is my identification with certain groups of people. I don’t feel that saying “I’m a white young middle-class cis heterosexual-presenting woman discussing various topics” is necessarily the same as saying “I’m a white young middle-class cis heterosexual presenting woman discussing white young middle-class cis heterosexual-presenting female topics.” I don’t mean that section to state that I will only discuss white middle-class issues, but I did want to identify that the issues I do discuss are going to be coming from that perspective, because that’s who I am and it’s the only perspective I can access. I frequently get requests from readers who want me to discuss something that is completely outside of my experience. For example, since I do write about race sometimes, and since I do publicly identify as white, I sometimes get requests from other white people to explain why some other race acts in some certain way, because I’m perceived to be a non-threatening person to ask. Or I get requests to discuss why men do such-and-such a thing. I wanted a place on my blog that said, “I can’t and won’t speculate on that, because I am not those people and I don’t have their experiences.” I can only discuss my thoughts on the experiences I’ve lived, which are immediately and constantly colored by my demographic. That’s what that paragraph identifying me as white and middle-class is supposed to convey.
I chose the title “Fugitivus” because I was reading a lot at the time about various modes of slavery throughout history, because I found that a lot of the social structures in place to maintain slavery shed light on some of the psychological, social, and physical tactics my abusers used to keep me with them. It helped me come to grips with placing the blame where it belonged — on the abuser — because it was now apparent to me that these tactics have a long and entrenched pattern. That is, my abusers didn’t act the way they did because of who I was and the things I did wrong, but abusers throughout history have used the exact same play book, no matter who the victim. The term “Fugitivus” isn’t derived from American slavery, but from Roman slavery. The word was branded on the bodies of escaped (and caught) Roman slaves, and was meant to be a stigmatizing marker that served as a warning to all other slaves. Though I know, certainly, that I am not and never have been an actual slave and I have not been branded, I identified with a similar mechanism in place in my life, where speaking out loud about my abuse and the fact that I had run from it stigmatized me in public. I felt this operated under the same principle as the branding. Though I wasn’t being branded with an FUG, I was hearing insults like, “Daddy issues,” “drama queen,” “whiner,” “always a victim,” “too stupid to leave,” “the first time you’re a victim, the second time you’re a volunteer.” These words and phrases ostracized me immediately from other people, and were obviously meant to silence and shame me, and point me out as an example to others who might otherwise be speaking out about abuse. That’s why I identified so strongly with the concept and definition of “Fugitivus”, strongly enough to create a blog with the title, and to have the main theme of that blog be the de-stigmatization of running away from abuse through speaking aloud. Harriet Jacobs became involved in the creation of this blog because her autobiography is, I feel, an excellent example of the refusal to be ashamed and the refusal to be silent, and she addresses several times in her work just how many people try in many different ways to make her feel guilty for being a slave, and then make her feel guilty for running away. I find her an incredible role model, all the more so because what she experienced was unimaginably worse than anything I will experience; if she was able to keep her voice and leave and build a better life, I felt I certainly could, too.
The title of this blog is not something I’m willing to give up. I still identify greatly with these concepts, and I still feel they have salience to the world today, and my own life and past experiences. The idea of running away from oppressive regimes, and attempting to dismantle some portion of them using the written word, is a fundamental feature of what I write about and what I believe, and much of that belief is traced from the first time I read Harriet Jacob’s work. She is quite a hero to me, and though I may not have the right to identify with so much of what she writes, I do, and that’s not something I’m willing to give up. The basic idea of this blog is to denounce the silence surrounding oppression and abuse, and to denounce the tactics used to shame and silence; in that, I feel that real and actual runaway slaves are the best possible role models for that, and are people to be revered. I don’t claim to be a runaway slave, but the personal qualities that a slave with the guts to run away must have are something I strive to have in my own life.
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So I’m doing an oral presentation for ancient history and I’m being marked on how well I can pronounce certain latin words, such as, fugitivus. I couldn’t help but notice that this is “fugitivus.net” and I have no idea how to pronounce “fugitivus… So I was hoping you might now how to pronounce this word?
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*know
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: No idea. I’ve only ever seen the word in print.
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It took me a few months to read your blog. I have been reading your blog from the beginning since the end of September and I am finally caught up to the present. I don’t think I could have read it faster as I had to let a couple posts sink in real deep and try to wrap my head around them. I had had little to no prior exposure to feminism in any regard. I have since gotten into reading quite a few blogs that address it.
I found you by accident by googling “I hate you Google”. I continued reading it however because you discuss rape. I have dated several women who had been before and had been horrified at the ways it changed the way they live and think and exist, but the extent of my thinking about the topic was just that I would try to make those women feel very comfortable and safe. I can’t say I know what it is like, but it has affected me greatly to see so many people having been hurt in that way, and has greatly hurt me to become aware of the disgusting, awful things humans do.
I am glad to have found your blog because it has given me a great deal more thought about the issue. I think you are a very clear and concise writer. I think your examples illustrate points (hopefully, that I do not misinterpret) that are important and not talked about enough in the world. I have found some solace to the great distress I feel about life in general and a step towards becoming more aware of just how much I need to change about myself.
Thank you!
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Harriet,
I just wanted to let you know that your blog simultaneously makes me want to smile and cry. I want to cry because it brings up many painful memories of a lifetime of abuse for me. But I want to smile because it always gives me hope to see survivors who are not afraid to shout back at the patriarchy.
I have seen your name mentioned on several other blogs I’ve read, but today is the first day I ventured to your site. Rest assured you’ve been bookmarked and, after reading what your standards are for posting and commenting, I will be visiting again.
Thank you for the inspiration. Keep rockin!
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