Blog Administrative Stuff

So, one of the reasons I bummed out on blogging for a while was the comments. They fucking get on my nerves, man. I mean, there’s trolls, which are obviously a sanity-sapper. But there are also idiots, and there are people who feel entitled to your space, or shout vague accusations of “censorship!” when you don’t publish their perfectly reasonable rebuttal. And, admittedly, some rebuttals are reasonable (most are not — if you put “rape” in quotations as a given, you really want to question why you’re trying so hard to get into my club, because obviously nobody here likes you or ever will, and yet you want to be here so badly), but that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to engage with them if I don’t feel like it, anymore than I’m obligated to engage in conversation with strangers on the street, no matter how intelligent or interesting they may be. I created this space for me to talk, because the internet is awesome in that it allows free, easily acquired resources that allow one to talk. Anybody can obtain their own goddamn blog, and so the whining entitled encroachment upon my space, and demands that I allow somebody else to talk in my free space — when there is free space for everybody that isn’t mine — strike me as nothing but an immeasurably lazy, stupid, sloppy attempt at a power struggle. It is a power struggle that is easy to win, because only I have access to the delete button, and so it’s a power struggle that’s fought purely on psychological terms, by making infantile attempts to provoke me or undermine my fairly unassailable confidence that I am not obligated to anybody for anything, most especially not to justify my beliefs unless and until I have appeased and convinced every smarmy asshole on the planet. I have all the power here, and I work on my own terms. Attempts to make me think I have to work on somebody else’s terms to gain the right to speak out loud in my space are wearisome assaults on logic as a principle of reasoning, but they don’t provoke me into a response (anymore — this did take work). I am welcome to say what I think, and others are welcome to say what they think, but nobody has the right to force me into a discussion with them, in my space, and attempts to convince me otherwise reveal nothing more than the other person’s complete lack of power, and their perception that I have too much and it is frightening to them if I stay that way.

There are also nice comments! Really nice comments! Or interesting ones, where people are just sharing their insights rather than demanding I acknowledge their insights, or broadcast their insights, or agree with their insights, or argue with their insights. Sometimes I get cranky and I can’t tell the difference, but that is my deal, and anybody engaging with me in my space just has to learn to cope with my deals.

But here is a secret:

I hate comments. Like, all of them. Even the nice ones! I don’t hate them, hate them. I don’t sneer every time somebody says, “Oh, Harriet! I have made you a cake!” But I hate having to check my site, and check comments, and make sure nothing has gone insane. It sucks up so much of my daily life. I don’t mind reading through troll comments so much, because they’re mostly sad little sacks of humanity that make me feel bad for what I imagine happens in their heads, but I hate reading through comments of people who think they are not trolls, or think they are entitled to “FREE SPEECHES” on my blog, or think that they are offering a really clever argument that I have NEVER heard before, my god, did you know ladies are emotional and unable to think logically? I bet if you knew that you wouldn’t be writing all this! You know what? PROBABLY TRUE. I would be weeping into my stuffed pig, wiping my face with chocolate donuts, and menstruating on the Bill of Rights, for all I care about CENSORSHIP and RULE OF LAW.

I got off track again.

I am going to be turning comments off on my blog. I don’t know if this will be a forever thing. To be honest, I am not sure if I have decided to “return” to blogging at all. I had actually made up my mind that I was going to stop. And then Sady Doyle seemed to be having a really fucking rough time of it, and I like Sady, and I like her grit, and I like her commitment, and I wanted to show that I supported her. And then I wanted to punch Naomi Wolf in the face, and I decided to show that via expressive flowery language instead.

And then I started getting stupid-ass comments a la “but have you considered that rape has made you unable to think straight? I think the rape virus has reached your brain!” or “well I was raped and I still manage to capitulate to rape culture, so can you!” or “I was raped and I’m going to hide behind that while I fling out some hateful rape apologism, because you totally can’t talk harshly to a rape victim!” (hint: rapists don’t just seek out intelligent, well-rounded people. Complete fucking idiots can be rape survivors, too, and complete fucking assholes without a shred of empathy for others. I’m so capable of separating your rape apologism from your rape, and you will get a callout, a shutdown, or a banning, no matter where you come from or who you are — the bullshit that comes out of your mouth at a high-speed velocity is all that concerns me). And I also started getting really fascinating wonderful comments that made me want to respond for HOURS and there went my fucking day wasn’t there a reason I didn’t want to do this anymore?

So.

I am shutting down comments while I continue to think about whether blogging fits into my life anymore. Maybe this’ll be the thing that makes it work and lets me return for good — frankly, the thing I hate the most about blogging is getting any kind of attention at all. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true; I never wanted attention, I just wanted to write. I like to write, which means I like sitting in a room by myself for hours as I think quite a lot about words and their meanings; that exists, for me, on the furthest side of the continuum of social interaction. I like to talk to myself. I like to hear myself talk. This doesn’t generalize to anybody else.

The discussion board is still available as an option for talking. I don’t control anything over there. The moderators are separate, and do not answer to me, and have made their own system of moderation. I check in every now and again to make sure the whole thing hasn’t turned into a douchebag factory, but I don’t participate, I don’t comment, and I sure as fuck don’t moderate. So, head on over there if you want to comment on stuff, or have conversations.

Know also that I rarely respond to emails. You can email me, but if I don’t email you back, it’s not because I found your email personally offensive, but because I didn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to sit down and interact, with you or anybody. I do read my emails, and I appreciate quite a lot of them. But it’s not a surefire way to get a response from me. Actually, there isn’t a surefire way; I’m pretty goddamn fickle.

I’ve never shut down comments before, so there might be some comment space open for a day or two while I figure out the technical end of this. And maybe I’ll open it back up again in the future, after a rest. I have no idea. No promises. But, for now, they’re shut down.

Discussion board is here.