A follow-up

1. 
   Rachel_in_WY permalink

   May 30, 2010

   Sweet. Generosity, resourcefulness, compassion… next time someone dismisses bloggers as a bunch of losers sitting on the computer in their parent’s basement in their pajamas we should all just silently think of this moment and smile. No counterargument needed.

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2. 
   Karalyn permalink

   May 31, 2010

   These past couple of posts have just furthered my belief that anyone worth knowing on the internet is tied to karnythia.

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3. 
   GreyLadyBast permalink

   June 1, 2010

   It’s stuff like this that keeps me going. I, too, have spent this entire damned year having homelessness problems, and abuse problems, and can’t-find-a-job-that-will-pay-for-food-AND-rent-at-the-same-time problems, and have-to-give-up-my-son-to-his-dad problems, which have basically only gotten worse* as the year goes on, but one thing that’s helped is that the Internet Will Provide. The internet has kept my car insured and on the road, so I could keep looking (in vain, sadly) for work. It kept me in my psych meds. It’s provided just enough funds (if I’m really cheap-ass tight with what I’ve got now and let a few bills slide and a few debts wait until I’ve got real work again) to move out of the hellhole I’m in. It’s been the only thing keeping me anywhere near hopeful, in this miserable, hopeless, rotten year.

   The Internet is awesome. It can be a huge force for good, if we let it. Yay, Internet!

   Bast, long-time lurker, first-time commenter

   *to the tune of finally having to move 1800 miles away from my son because I just CANNOT find a living-wage job around here no matter what I do and I CANNOT continue to stay and be emotionally abused where I am, so I’m kinda thin on choices right now and have to take the only viable option available, no matter how much it hurts my heart to think of being so far away from my kid. [/pity-party]

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4. 
   mythago permalink

   June 7, 2010

   GreyLadyBast, can you please post a reminder in about two weeks. I’m happy to throw a few dollahs your way but I have to wait until payday.

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5. 
   GreyLadyBast permalink

   June 7, 2010

   Mythago,

   Thank you very very much for the offer. Hell, the offer matters more than anything else, really, because it’s the thoughts that keep my spirits up! From what I’ve discovered, that’s the case with everyone in my “beg the Internet for help” position—that the thoughts and well-wishes and lighted candles and boosting-of-signals and so forth all make even more of a difference than any material donations.

   I will try to remember to remind you, but (and I’m not trying to seem ungrateful, anything but!) I’m not sure I will be able to. For starters, I’m leaving town in a little under two weeks, and will not have internet access for nine days (camping with the kids, yay!) as of 6/17. More than that, though, it’s a pride thing. I really, really, really want to try to “make do or do without,” as various ancestors had to, since I’ve asked for (and received, yay internet!) so much help so often over the past year that I feel like I’m taking far more than my fair share. Maybe that’s silly and arrogant, I dunno. All I know is that it bothers me, asking and asking and asking, when I should be making do with what I’ve got no matter what corners I must cut, so as to pull my own weight and not be such a drain on other people.

   Oh, how I long for the day when I’m not only self-sufficient, but in a position to pay all this forward! I want, more than anything, to stop having to beg and take so much, and to instead be able to offer and give. I’ll feel like a success in life when I can help people who are where I am now, solely because I’ve been there and I remember what it was like—not just the deprivation and worry, but the sense of shame* that comes with not being able to meet your own needs and having to ask for help, not just once, but over and over again, far above and beyond what you ever expected or wanted that first time you swallowed your pride and begged. Much like the well-wishes and hang-in-theres being the best part of internet support, that sense of shame and failure is the hardest part of being down-and-out. It’s like having your own personal internet troll, right in the back of your head, who never shuts up and never goes away and always makes a certain sick sense that you secretly agree with. The Head Troll has to be constantly beaten back by the knowledge that people like to help and it makes them feel good to come to the rescue, so by graciously accepting charity, you are doing as much for the person helping you as they are doing for you, just in a different way. And it’s hard, and I want, more than anything, to someday be in a place to say to someone else dealing with their own personal Head Troll, “It’s ok. Needing charity sucks, but there’s nothing wrong with you for needing it, and believe me when I say that it does me good to give it. Honest.”

   Ok, that’s enough rambling on someone else’s blog. Thanks for listening.

   Bast

   *and generally speaking, I didn’t really come equipped with a sense of shame, so this is a new and unwelcome feeling for me, shameless brat that I am accustomed to being.

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6. 
   Dez Crawford permalink

   June 18, 2010

   I followed an old link from another group to “Stuff What Boys Can Do.”

   I’m sure it’s too late to add to the comments but maybe this story will warm your heart:

   Many years ago, in the early ’80s, one of my close male friends, Bill, found himself attending a bachelor party which ended up at a strip club. He and another guy, Steve, didn’t like the idea of objectifying women, but as they were members of the wedding party, they tagged along so as not to be party poopers.

   Bill and Steve sat at the back end of the runway drinking their beers away from the main group. The other guys ragged them for not getting involved in the party, and this is the point where Bill finally had enough. He beckoned for the girl to come over to him, and he gave her $20 to put her clothes back on and take a break. She did.

   The guys all yelled at him, “WTF?”

   He said, “You guys don’t really believe this girl LIKES any of you doofuses, do you? She’s not going home with you. She’s just doing her job.” After she slid back into her clothes and walked past Steve and Bill, she looked at the other guys, winked at Bill and said, “I dunno … I kind of like HIM.”

   Steve still loves telling this story , almost 30 years later.

   GREAT BLOG. Keep up the good work

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