WELCOME TO CRANKY

Please take note of the Things I Can Do Without at Work:

1. A running commentary. I don’t have an office. My desk is in an open work space. If I had to make a list of the things that would make me flee toward another job cackling, the desk situation would be a very close second (answering the phones being a very close first). There are a lot of things that annoy me about having no workspace privacy. The running commentary lives up at the top. Let me illustrate for you the last five minutes of my life:

“Paperwork, huh?”

“Ha ha ha. Stapling.”

“Ohhhh, she’s using scissors!”

“That phone sure is ringing! Oh, shh, she’s answering it.”

“Yeah, using the computer. Yep, yep, I gotta do that.”

“Cleaning up, huh? Ha ha ha, yeaaaaaah.”

*after something I was doing falls on the ground in a mess* “Ohhhhhhh you must be mad. Are you mad? I bet you’re mad. That’s so annoying. When things fall down. Ho ho. Guess you gotta pick it up. Maaaaaaan, that would make me so mad. Yeah. Yeah. That sucks, huh? Yeah, it sucks.”

“Oh, I’m talking around your desk, huh. Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Looking cranky, Harriet! Look at her. She’s looking cranky. Ho ho.”

2. Asking a question with an obvious answer. Asking it again. Asking it THREE MORE TIMES.

*asked while staring at a coworker’s calendar, where they have indicated the dates they will be in the office* “When is so-and-so in? Do you know? What does their calendar say? Do you know?”

*asked while staring directly at the stapler* “Is that a stapler?”

*asked while I am talking on the phone* “Are you busy? Where is the stapler? And when is so-and-so in?”

*asked while putting a finger in the dirt of a flowerpot* “Is this dry? Do you know if this is dry?”

*asked while looking in the empty refrigerator* “Is there food?”

*asked after a staff meeting about the date of an event, where to find flyers in the office for the event, and who is in charge of the event* “Hey, Harriet, when’s the event? Can you get me a flyer? So are you running it?”

*coworker is asking me about a project I have never been involved in* “Who do I turn this report in to? You don’t know? Well, who do I ask? No, I don’t know who. Oh, who asked me to write the report? Well, I guess it was my boss. Should I give it to them? Are they in today? *looking at calendar* “What does their calendar say? Do you know?”

*holding piece of mail* “Where does this go? The mailboxes? Where are those? Oh. Oh! You mean the mailboxes. Like, where the mail goes.” *snottily* “Yes, I know where the mail goes, of course I know that.”

*asked while I am putting away binders* “Where are the binders?”

*asked while I am on the phone* “Is the phone working?”

Please take note of the Kind of Things I Can Use More Of At Work:

Snappy quotes.

Today our executive director said, “With great white privilege comes great white responsibility.” FUCK YEAH